I wouldn't go into much details about what happened. All I can say is that all the emotional mess, doubts, and insecurities happened the instance I take my eyes off Christ. I began to magnify what I can or cannot do, and I began to magnify the circumstances as my eyes sees it.
Now here is the cruz. I thought I was being logical and rational. However, that is not how God sees things. We were meant to be warriors of Christ, in His kingdom, advancing mightily such that even the gates of hell cannot prevail against us. We were ordained to be victors and to reign because of what Christ has done and has come to do. Yet, these cannot happen if we take our eyes off Christ.
I see myself as flawed, but God sees me as someone beautifully and wonderfully created. I see myself as unsuccessfully and uncertain of my future, but God sees me many years down the track where I embark on the plans and purpose He has ordained for me- plans that prospers and gives me hope and a future. I see myself as ordinary, with mountains that cannot be removed, but God says to me to have that speck of faith that the mountain shall be removed. Impossibility is not a currency in His kingdom.
How more self-defeating can I get if I focus on myself? I'm glad our new identity is found in Christ. What about you?
No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. 38 For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons,[k] neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, 39 neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.